Mass Effect: Seeking Solace
by DarthMavis13
Summary: After the mission on Virmire, Commander Shepard reflects on his decision. Garrus tries to cheer the saddened Commander up. (I suck at Summaries but it'd be nice if you took the time to read it x]).


**I do not own Mass Effect nor any characters**. **I did this just for the fun of it. All characters and stuff belong to Bioware.** **Reviews would be nice, and I may end up doing more Mass Effect one pieces if you desire. Thanks for reading! =D**

Commander Shepard stood in the middle of the War Room within his ship, the SSV Normandy SR-1. The mission on Virmire was, indeed, a success. But it had a casualty. A casualty that weighed heavy on the Commander. He spent the better half of a minute, which felt like years have passed, just stareing at the floor with his hands together behind his back. He then looked around the room.

Garrus, a Turian who was ex-C-Sec (Citadel Security) who joined with the Commander on his mission to stop Saren, looked up at him with a look of respect. Next to him was the Quarian, Tali nar Rayya, whose race of people were driven from their homeworld from their own Synthetic creations; the Geth, and now live in a giant flotilla ship out in space. Shepard could not see her face from behind her mask but the way she held her head down made him think that she was sorry for what has happened.

Next to her was the Asari, Dr. Liara T'soni, whom was founded in an ancient Protheian ruin, daughter of Matriach Benezia (who had to be killed because of her indoctrination and un wanted loyalty to Saren) she has proven that she is not her mother and her knowledge of the Protheian's have helped understand these visions the Commander has been having since his mission on Eden Prime, she wanted nothing but to comfort the Commander with her affection towards him. The Krogan, Urdnot Wrex, sat next to her. From a warrior race, Wrex has left his home and became a Mercenary. His interest in stopping Saren was what brought their alliance together and made it stronger with what Saren was doing on Virmire. He merely nodded to the Commander.

Ashley Williams sat in the far end, closer to Shepard, and it was her who showed the most emotion that Shepard could relate with. She hung her head and refused to look at the Commander. Her eyes were watery and dry tear tracks were on her cheeks. Her once live and beautiful face soon became full of guilt and remorse. At the moment, she was completly different then the time she joined the Commander's crew after the mission in Eden Prime and the entire time they spent getting to know eachother growing ever so closer.

Then his eyes fell on the empty seat next to Ashley, where Lieutinent Kaidan Alenko once sat and listened and voiced his opinions. Now it's just a regular empty chair, cold and silent. Shepard shook his head and looked back towards the floor.

"How could we leave Kaidan behind?" She asked, breaking the silence.

Every eye in the War Room were now on her. She gripped her hands together tightly and a flash of anger was on her face. She looked up at the Commander now with tearfull eyes and gritted teeth.

"It should have been me." She said in unstable anger. "Kaidan should be here, not me."

"What are you trying to do, Ash?" The Commander asked. "Do you think dying and becoming a martryr will right the mistakes of your grandfather?"

"That's not what I-" Ashley sighed and looked down. "No, sir. I just can't help but feel it was my fault. I don't like people dying for me."

"It wasn't your fault. I was in charge of the mission. It was my decision to leave him behind and save you. If anyone is to blame, it's me." The Commander said.

Liara sat forward. "Shepard-"

"- Kaidan gave his life. He knew what he was doing and he died bravely in battle. He will always be remembered. It was his sacrafice that made sure this mission was a success. Now, if you would all excuse me, I need sometime alone. Dismissed."

Everyone in the room got up and walked out. Ashley was last and she stopped and turned back. Shepard had his back towards her and his face was looking up towards the ceiling. She wanted to go up to him, wrap her arms around him and tell him everything was okay. But before she could even step forward, Joker's voice came in through the intercom.

"Sir, we are near a Comm. Buoy. Should I contact the Council?"

Shepard sighed. "Do it." He said in a low tone.

Ashley clenched her jaw and turned around and left the room, leaving Shepard alone.

The orange holograms of Councilman Sparatus (a Turian), Tevos (an Asari), and Valern (a Salarian), appeared in front of the Commander.

"I'm glad to see the mission on Virmire was a success, Commander." Sparatus said, the first time he was pleased with the Commander.

"We could not risk Saren building an army of Krogan." Valern spoke.

Shepard's eye twitched. It wasn't a secret that it was the Salarian's who created the Genophage, a diease that is slowly killing off the Krogan race nearly driving them to extinction. It was the only way to stop the Krogan uprising years ago. When news of Saren working to cure the Genophage (only to use mindless Krogan's for his army), it nearly drove Wrex on a rebellion that would have costed him his life against the Commander. But he listened to reason and ended up agreeing that this wasn't curing his people but making it worse.

"One of my men gave his life to make sure this mission was a success." Shepard said.

"We have read your report." Tevos said. "But you of all people should know the casualties of war. Now is not the time to mourn but to act."

"Will you be traveling to the Terminus system?" Sparatus asked.

Shepard shook his head _Typical_, he thought. But he just nodded and responded. "When we are good and ready."

"Very good, we look forward to your next report, Commander." Tevos spoke.

And the holograms were gone.

Shepard turned and walked out the War Room. The ship was silent and everyone did their jobs without speaking. None even bothered to look at the Commander as he left the deck and walked down the stairs unto the lower level and made his way to the Captain Quarters. Once inside, his anger flared at the loss of, not only one of his men, but his friend. His L3 chip responded to his anger and enveloped his body in a blue field of Biotic energy. Everything within the room began to rise until they started hitting the ceiling and after a loud roar everything flew around, his desk was destroyed, his bed was in peices, everything was either broken or shattered and now laid on the floor, with him on his knees with tears coming out of his eyes.

A few minutes later, his door opened. "Commander?" A voice spoke.

He recognized the voice as Garrus. He wiped the tears away and stood up and turned to the Turian.

"What is it?" The Commander asked.

"Just thought you would like to join me for a drink?" Garrus invited.

"I don't think that would be a good idea."

"You and I both know you need it. And I won't take no for an answer."

Shepard nodded and then followed Garrus. They ended up in the Elevator going down to the cargo bay. Then they both got inside the Mako, where Garrus was usually found, and Shepard noticed that there was already two bottles of beer waiting for them. Shepard sat on the floor of the Mako while Garrus took the seat and gave the Commander his bottle. They uncapped their bottles and took their first sips.

"Mmmmm. One of the great things the Human's have made." Garrus commented.

"I noticed that you don't share the hatred of my race like your people do." Shepard pointed out.

"Cause your race doesn't bother me. Sure, you get annoying sometimes and you are very divided and whatnot. But I don't hate the humans." Garrus responded.

"I may not agree with the way you see things, but you have been a great asset... And friend." Shepard said.

"Glad to hear it."

After another sip and a few minutes of silence, Garrus spoke again. "Can I ask you something?"

"Go for it."

"Why did you leave Kaidan behind?"

The Commander sighed. He knew that at one point someone was going to ask him. He took a while before he answered.

"It was his choice to stay behind with the bomb. He wanted me to save Ash and not him. It was a very difficult decision, but I knew that if I saved him he would hold Ashley's death against me and always regret it and blaming himself each and everyday. I wouldn't want him to live that way." Shepard answered.

"Don't you think that is how Ashley feels right now?"

"For now she does. But she's strong. She will get over it. Though his death will always be a constant reminder until this whole thing is over, she won't blame herself anymore. Kaidan was a good solider, but he doesn't have the same strength as she does."

"You seem to really admire her."

"I do." Shepard said almost right away. "But my feelings towards her had nothing to do with my decision."

I wasn't saying it was." Garrus spoke truthfully.

Garrus looked at the Commander with a new found respect for his honesty.

"You don't think this will be over anytime soon, do you?" Garrus asked.

"No. Even if we stop Saren, there is the main threat the we still have to deal with."

"The Reapers?"

Shepard nodded.

"Well, no matter what happens. Just know that I will always have your back, Commander. I'm with you till the end."

Shepard didn't speak, but he did appreciate that he was trusted and not judged. Shepard rose his bottle and so did Garrus.

"To Kaidan." Shepard said.

"To Kaidan." Garrus repeated.

They finished their bottle and just sat within the Mako in silence...


End file.
